Will She Remember?

Agnes turned 9 months two days ago. We went to the park and took a nice long walk before stopping at the playground and pushing her in the baby swing. It was very windy that Sunday but she didn't mind. She had her blanket as well as some snacks to keep her content. She swung her feet up and down  in her stroller while she talked away (more like babbled) and fed herself some cheerios. We were about a mile into our walk when I started thinking... will she remember any of this?

It's been on my mind this week how much she probably won't remember. She isn't even 1 year old, I mean, how much can you remember before 3? I don't remember my mom rocking me to sleep or singing sweet soft songs to me while I drifted off in her arms... and yet, I feel hurt that Agnes won't remember these memories we made when she grows up and has her own friends and life. She won't remember how, to keep her from squirming too much while changing her diaper, I sang "Winnie the Pooh" over and over again until her clothes were all buttoned back up and she could continue playing. She won't remember our little bedtime routine of books and coconut oil massages. Or the way mommy bundled her up in a pink towel after her bath and held her in front of the mirror and said, "Is that my beautiful girl?!" She won't remember how daddy would say, "Boof!" to her and she would smile instantly and clap. Or how she always had to be lying down on a pillow to drink her apple juice after meals.

But then.... will I remember? Will I remember how her hair gets when it's put up in a barrette for the day and then taken off at night and the hair still stands up? Will I remember her little grunts when she is upset or frustrated with something? Will I remember how she keeps an eye on the vacuum cleaner wherever it is, even when it's not on?

We plan to have more children and I want to remember these little things!! If Agnes asks what she was like as a baby, I want to be able to relive her first few months in my mind and tell her all about it, and for every child we have!

It was at the 2 mile mark of our walk at the park that I finally thought, "You know what? It's okay." I don't have to remember every single little thing, because then how will I be able to live in the present while I always try and recount every moment of the past? She is growing up, she is doing new things every day, and it's exciting... Now! And you know what? It's not like I don't have the materials to document things like her first hair cut or her first step. But that's not as important either. It's the NOW that will really make these moments special.

Will she remember? Probably not. As long as she knows she is special and very much loved every single day of her life, that's what is important.